~Resolution~

It has taken me great pain to write this blog entry, but I have come to a conclusion.

Which is to

STOP RUMOURING ONCE AND FOR ALL WHETHER DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY.

The process WILL be hard, but Im willing to accept the challenge. =)

You all can be my witnesses, to give me a tight hard slap if i rumour, im serious.

I dont want to be daoed, especially by you. =(

~Gloominess~

There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass.

What causes this sudden feeling?

I wonder.

Stop being all nice all of a sudden, and so cold and nonchalant the next minute.

~Boring Saturday~

Hmm, today we were having some trip to some temples, which I sadly have forgotten, or theyre to insignificant to occupy space in my cram-filled brain. I shall skip all the boring part of walking here and there, looking here and there, acting enthusiastic here and there, and watever!

Me, ivan hu, jiayao, th, kf and leo, were supposed to go to KFC together to eat, but leo pangsehed us by going to play bball with some brats, lol wdv. When we were on the way to KFC, kf was broke, and can only use ez-link, we still insist on KFC, causing him to go to Macs alone, I felt bad that time. Really!

After some chomping, tammy, zr, mingwei, xingdong, also came, we pangsehed tammy, lol, lucky got zr to accompany him if not he will be floating somewhere. Aww. And I met Iron hydroxide and sum of her frenz, including jiaqi n yiwei, she stalking me izit. =X

KF came back and we then played some truth or dare crap yet fun thingy, played with food? Lol. I started to notice that there are some sec 3s who actually dared eating alone, if i were them, i rather die than be seen eating alone in some fast food outlet.

I then saw him. Seeing that he was alone buying food, I wanted to go over there to say hi, and im sorry. But. He went over to a few of his girl classmates, and, i let the matter past, haiz another chance passed, when will this hatchet be buried. I wonder.

Oops! I told a few people that Iron hydroxide likes a guy called BS. I think im dead, but wait a minute! Im already dead since the open house. =X LAME!

After spending dunno how much time there, we went to the bus stop and go home lor! lol. We meet Iron hydroxide and grace, who were going to Ikea to aimlessly waste their life away. -.-

I just realised that the friend are friends with the devil, or thats what he say! =) *nvm if you dont understand*

To someone : You cant have the best of both worlds, you wanted something to happen, yet you wont make an effort to make it happen, you dissapoint me.

~True Enlightenment, Finally~

I was just talking to someone just now, and felt that his words carry lots of sense, I used to feel that the world is mine, everything that I want will come true, I foolishly thought that I lived in utopia, where everyone is happily smiling and kind towards one another.

Soon, I found out that I was wrong, very wrong. This world tend to be a cold place, devoid of warmth. There were many people who were evil and scheming, or that I used to thought. I used to hate lots of people, and only look at the most superficial of things, I feel that they should dissapear from the earth, and the world should only be for people who are nice and kind.

I started to be a backstabbing bitch, spreading rumours of every single human being that I hate, I started to wear a mask, to protect myself from the world, in fact, the only person that Im hurting is myself.

When looking at people, I always see them in the most negative light, people always give you 100 impression points, and slowly deducting it everytime you did something bad against them, but for me, its the exact opposite. I give every single person near me 0 points, and they need to earn these points. Hard life huh?

The world is not as bad as you think of, if you can just look at things from different angles, people might have become to what they are due to certain circumstential reasons. It was an emotional roller coaster ride for me, getting hurt each time I see my enemy prosper, while I further sink to oblivion, clutching to climb up.

To someone whom all 3Cians should know : Honestly, I admire you, I admire your boldness in being yourself, your principle in life had always been correct, being happy is of utmost importance.

It had been a long journey, and the last chapter have finally ended. Its time to move on and to start on another book, a brighter and more happy story.

As I wrote this, a 'clunk' noise appeared beside me, to the girl who lent me her Macbeth, your wish had appeared sooner than you have ever expected, the mask had dropped.

To someone, you might think that all these things might be fake, just some temporarily enlightenment, but believe me, its the things that Im thinking of now.

~Enlightenment~

After studying chem for only 1.5 hours, Im here to blog! Weee!

For dont know what some strange reason, I now, sympathise with the Devil.
The reasons I do not know, but maybe,
Sudden enlightenment?
Increase of compassion?
Fear of being hated by him?
The empathy for others, being able to put yourselves in the shoe of others?

Nah! Rubbish! Balderdash!

Its because Ive a more hated enemy now. Lets call him X.

And Im not saying who =)

Not the right time.

Yet.

Time to go back to chem for another hour and so, and its snoozy time!

Oh! I just realised a Maths equation! X=XYZ. LOL!

~Tired~

2nd post of the day le.

As I was blog hopping, I stumbled upon this girls blog, and we shared quite similar sentiments I must say.

Im tired.
Tired of always apologising.
Tired of always defending myself.
Tired of always making the first move.
Tired of all these.
Tired.

Why cant people for once do things for me?
I only want to try that feeling once
Definitely not too much to ask for

I shall go to sleep now, and pray that Ill never wake up to face this world anymore.

Tired.Exhausted.Bushed.

Cant sleep despite my sleepiness, thus leading to this poem.

~Confessions of a Lonely soul~

Listening to the song from the computer
Enjoying the cool night breeze
Looking at other peoples blogs
Doing all these wonderful things
All alone

An overwhelming of emptiness
Engulfs me
I cant stand it anymore
Rescue me.

So many emotions welled up
With no one to tell to.
Where are all the people now
When I need them most.

I was there when she needed me
I did everything he told me to
I tried to change myself
But what did I get in the end
Nothing.

Are all these just illusions?
Have I always been self-delusional?
Disillusion me someone
Quick.

Did I make the correct choices?
Had I made the right investments?
Should I diversify the money?
What should i do?
I dont know.

What wrong have I done
I tried to change myself
I still failed in the end
Badly.

Nobody is by my side currently
Im all alone now
Totally.

Im crying now. Liberate my soul.

~Reflect~

I just realised that I will NEVER ever buy another soft toy for girls, because after countless SMSes and lots of time walking around, its the first toy that I saw... =/

YOU BETTER BRING MY PIG TOMORROW OR YOURE DEAD XD

Okay, enough of all these normal mundane stuff, the title of this entry is to reflect, so erm lets reflect!

I feel that Im a selfish brat, who only cares for my own benefit, and ignores the feelings of others. Everytime I lose a friend, I always try to be self-delusional, and keeps thinking that its so-and-so who have snatched my friend away, and begins to nurse a hatred for him. And the real problem? Me.

To 22062216, you were right, I had never been a good friend.

Over the years, my nonchalant attitude have made me lose quite a number of friends I must say. When I need them, I expect them to be there for me, but have I ever been by their side when they need me? No.

Alot of these friends might possibly become life-long friends, but, pity.

I had missed away lots of countless oppurtunities, those times that people ask me out, I declined them, day after day, month after month, do they still ask me for outings? No.

No time to despair!

Changes will be made!

I hope.

Im losing them one by one, and soon Ill be left with none.

~Initiative~

Just felt like posting this, due to some inspiration from someones blog.

You need to find a friend.
Just like I am finding one.
We used to be friends.
But what had happened?
I dont know.

I had made the first move.
Hope you will read this blog.
*prays*

The good ol days. The good ol days. Forgive me.

~Randomness~

This post shall be totally random, which includes random events, which I have seen randomly, at any random part of today!

Lets first begin with me being extremely happy, due to the fact that I have yet received yet another birthday present! Thanks to the 2 girls, and guy, you guys know who you are! Oh! Im still accepting late presents despite my birthday has already long past! KeKe! I also received a Macs voucher by crapping some answer! WOO! XD

Another thing which adds to my ecstasy is of the fact that me and erm, lets call him XiaoboyboY, we used to see each other and buay song with each other. Suprisingly, he said HELLO and BYE to me, WOW! Has the sun rised from the west? Maybe...Just maybe...its because of him...asking me to make the avatar...maybe?

Some more random stuffs coming up!

Its surprising how some people, just normally sitting down alone on the round canteen table, and in a few minutes time, he was literaly surrounded by 'SEH' 'COOL' people, Im quite shocked that this guy had such a wide social circle, highly suprising worx!

Another thing I noticed about friendship, this particular person, who is always surrounded by his group of friends, was alone today. Totally Alone. He was just staring down from the 3rd level, loneliness filling his eyes. HeyHeyHey! Dont be so sad kay! Its good to be alone sometimes, allow you to reflect on what you have done, and to improve it!!!

After all these lame randomness, I shall lastly, compose a so-called poem, to describe what I have seen today, and it HIGLY disturbs me.

Confessions of a Fourth party

I always thought that I
Was the only one to have
Suffered such humility
But I was wrong
Dead wrong.

History is repeating itself
The exact same devil
Has returned
Yet again.

Charmed you he did
Seduced you he did
Mesmerized you he did
Gained total control he got.

Ignored your friend you did
Attracted to the devil you did
Talked to the devil you did
Totally under his control you are.

Your dear friend
Loneliness filled his eyes
The exact same that filled mine
Thats why he changed his seat
No?

For now I can only pray
For you to finally be free
From this Devil's clutches
And be more sensitive
To the people around you.

History oh history, may you never repeat yourself again.

~0.o Investing o.0~

Maths test officially sucked, for those who are observant enough, you must have noticed that Im not myself after the lunch break, due to some circumstances that I have met, I shant elaborate further, but those with a high IQ will be able to lian xiang with the post Im gonna make.

Making friends is like making an investment, sometimes, you make the right choices by trusting someone, and expect him to trust you back. You give him benefits, and he give you benefits, however, there are also bad stocks. You might have misplaced your trust on someone, which can prove highly disturbing.

An example I shall use is Mr 22062212, he can be a professional financial investor, he got lots of close friends, and there are people who are willing to follow him around, maybe due to his coolness? Sehness? Yea right. He always got a circle of friends around him, and the way he handle his stocks make him an effective investor.

Some unfortunate people have extremely limited friends or hardly any friends except his classmates, even in his class, he doesnt even have any close friends, and he tends to follow people around, maybe follow 22062212, trying to attract his attention. When night comes, and he wants to look for someone to talk to, there will be no one by his side. Pity him.

And for me! I admit Im not as influential and powerful as the former case, nor as pathetic and desperate as the latter, I stand nicely at the middle, bought some good stocks, and bought some bad stocks too!

In order to be a successful billionaire, you have to take risks, your judgement might fail you, but it might also reap back endless benefits. This is also the same to making friends.

Sadly in my life, I only fully trust him and her and maybe her =)

To trust or not to trust, that is the question.

Woo! My stocks are rising! Still vulnerable to the unstable economy, protect them at all costs!

~Maths~

After revising for a few hours for the coming Maths Test, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness engulfs me...

I cant believe that I cant do such a simple question! My brains damn tired now. I was like almost crying just now? What happened if i fail this IMPORTANT Test?...

Its very stressed to be in a class where everyone gets A+ A+ A+ A A A for Maths.. and me? B! Nice and healthy!!~

Yea right.

I swear that Im so gonna cry if I fail this test...

So gonna cry!

Time to sleep! *snooze*

~Forgiveness~

I just wanted to take this space, to apologise to someone, who was so-called used to be quite close to me. I didnt know when and why you started to hate me, is it something that I have done that greatly offends you? I really dont know, pls enlighten me so that even if I die, Ill die in peace. Im not sure whether this person will even bother to read the blog of his nemesis, but I hope that you know that Im talking about you, yes YOU!!!... Please forgive me for whatever I have done, I hope that those good old days can be back...

I really appreciate our frienship...I do...

And I shall also take this oppurtunity, to beg for forgiveness to whoever that I have offended, be it in the past, present, and hopefully, not the future. My tactless harsh words can sometimes be hurtful, but, please forgive me, Im starting to change now, my words are less piercing to the heart now...I hope.

Shall stop blogging here, got to study for the Maths Test...

Friendships, Friendships, Friendships.

~Taking things for granted~

Since March, I have learnt, through the hard way, never to take any single thing from your life for granted, be it your friends, the people around you, the things around you, for they may be gone *poof* just like that.

Recently, I have observed the behaviour of this certain species of animal, lets call it XYZ, this animal's behavior has caused me great displeasure in seeing his daily actions, and thus I have taken the time now, to blog about HIM.

This creature has quite limited friends, and the way he abuse them is highly eye-turning, let's name the friends closest to him, A, B, C and D. When A is around, he will treat the rest to be invisible, and go in and out with him, when A's gone, he will go to B, treating C and D as invisible, this retarded behavior goes on.

His level of hypocrisy is 10 times as intense as Mr 22062212, he usually terrorizes his classmates, and when he need their help, he ask for their help as if he had been a guai guai angel. Oh! Did I forgot to mention that he likes to suck up to teachers too? =)

Let me illustrate a true for you all lesser mortals to understand better. Once, A has to meet a teacher after flag raising, XYZ kindly asked D to wait with him, and both of them chats quite happily, and when A is done, he treats D as non-existent, and goes to talk to A, just like that! JUST LIKE THAT!

My My...I'm sure you all have gained a further insight on Species XYZ, and if you are able to somehow identify his name, drop me a nudge, and if it's correct, I'll give you a huge cookie! And a glass of milk!

Be gone stumbling block! Be gone!

Oh Dear! Im having a severe case of amnesia! I cant seem to remember anything now, especially what happen on Open House.

Haha...to all those who have hurted me, or to those who have I hurted with my tactless harsh language, lets all forget it eh...keke. Its better to have a friend than an enemy worx!

No more please... No more emotional roller coaster rides, I got enough to last me 10 lifetimes...

Another stupid BORING day at school.

A cute and fun PE. Retarded Frankenstein quiz. Unbeneficial Biology. Evil Geography, yes the last part when he was scolding the class was referring to me I guess... Floaty Physics. Normal Maths. Long Assembly.

Haha!...I was quite PMSed during the day, and like hardly smile...but due to a certain bimbo who scared at me after school, I was like laughing like siao can...? Lol...to truly laugh is part of being successful in life! Wee!!!

Actually I wanted to post more stuff de, but I too tired..haha! next time ba =)

Since I cant do anything to prevent it, I just have to accept it eh?

I regret.

There are many regretful decisions I had made in my screwed up life, and this time, the situation can still be salvaged, so I shall.

To you know who you are :

How rash of me...a foolishly rash young fool I had been.

Theres a chinese saying that states, the oblivious one isnt at fault eh? Or something like that!!!

Thus, I take back my words, to quote from your blog, yet again, July 15th, 2nd entry, thirrd paragraph, the first first first part.

Those msn chats wont be memories, since our frienship will stay, and those chats will naturally stay too!

=D

~Enough is Enough~

v3ng3anc3z has left this vicious world on 15/07/06. Thanks to the 4 people who indirectly speeded up his stress-related death.

Cause of death, quite plenty, but mostly it was accelerated by these 4 girls. I shan't mention names, they know who they are.

Firstly to XXX, I know you cared for me, you wanted to help me, but I don't need anyone's help. I can solve my own problems, handle these obstacles in life, pls stop asking me more and more questions, you are highly pissing me off. I know that you'll be quite hurt after reading this, you can hate me for the rest of your life, I'm sorry yea, I'm all right, REALLY!!!

Secondly to xXx and xXx, THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH FOR LITERALLY KILLING ME. I APPRECIATE IT!!! THANKS FOR YOUR WARPED RETARDED IMAGINATIONS, THAT SCREWED UP MY WHOLE ALREADY FUCKED UP LIFE, THANKS FOR ADDING TO MY ALREADY HEAVY BURDEN WITH ANOTHER 100KG OF LOAD, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. I HOPE YOU GIRLS ARE REALLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW, SMILING LIKE SOME RETARDED BIMBOS OVER MY PLIGHT RIGHT? DAMN IT, I REALLY WISH THAT YOU WILL DISSAPEAR FROM THIS FACE OF THE EARTH, YOUR MERE EXISTENCE BRING SUFFERING TO MY LIFE!!! IT WAS JUST A FUCKING MISUNDERSTANDING, AND YOUR TWISTED LITTLE BRAINS THOUGHT OTHERWISE, NO AMOUNT OF APOLOGY WILL SALVAGE THIS SITUATION, JUST ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR REMAINING LIVES IN GUILT, FOR KILLING ME. CHEERS!

Lastly to XxX, I thought you understand me, I thought you know me, I thought you can see that I was already stressed after being killed by those 2 asshats, but I was wrong, DEAD WRONG. You continued to pester me, piss me off, until I almost broke down, but I persevered, I can't possibly cry in the people-filled hall rite. Don't worry, your secret is still safe with me, you better pray day and night, that I won't be so pissed off one day, and I shoot my mouth off. Have a nice day. Just to quote from your blog, the July 14th, second entry, last paragraph, 4th sentence, the answer is yes for the both of us.

My My My...what a day, I really shouldn't have gone for open house, if I had just slacked at home, it would have been a normal day, some things are just fated, when they come, no matter what you do, you just can't stop them.

You all will see a new v3ng3anc3z in the coming days, and I can assure you the difference will be significant.

Who will be the illuminator of all darkness in my life, I'm starting to despair and lose hope...pls come sooner...

The people that I hate to talk to keep bothering me, pestering me, killing me. The person that I wanted to talk to keep ignoring me, treating me like some invisible apparition, indirectly killing me.

~Dedicated to Mr B!~

A great man, 22062212 once said, "I will give the same amount of trust to the amount of trust that the person places on me to the person. I have always believed in that, and I live to fulfill it."

Very true indeed, very true indeed!

Since Mr B have decided to create a blog, post about all his relationship problems, daily life obstacles, just for my private viewing, I shall reciprocate his help by showing him some appreciation by thanking him here!

Thanks for being there!
Thanks for putting my name and bday on your blog!
Thanks for trusting me so much by entrusting your secrets to me alone!

I promise you to keep your blog a secret, since I shall follow the principles of 22062212, and also trust and respect you, if your secret is leaked out, you can Kill me! Murder me!

=)

~Hypocrisy~

Hypocrites, they exist everywhere, from your closest friends to your enemies, nobody is a perfect straightforward person who says 'YOU SUCK' at you directly right?

Everyone keeps wearing a protective layer of mask to hide their true personality, people keep hiding their emotions, feelings, true personality to the people around them.

I admit that I am also a hypocrite to some people around me, lets illustrate an example witnessed by me, in some place.

X, Y are involved.

Mr X was 'close' to Y, going for recess together, bla bla! However, he was plotting to overthrow his 'reign', lol...maybe only 1 person will know what I'm talking about and I don't think she will be reading my blog anytime soon.

Is life really meant to be that way? People has to be deceptive, plot and scheme behind the backs of other?

Pity us foolish mortals...

You talked to me today...sho happiex...lol...

This game which everyone must play.
Obeyed all the rules of the game I did.
Gathered advice whenever I can.
Shortcuts I ventured to win the game.
However I flopped at the game
I aspired to change in order to win.
But I failed.
Terribly.
The game of life.

Someone once said, to see is to believe.
Retarded concept.

The kid whom sat next to you who have a billabong pencil box, bag, wear branded shirts might not be rich; it might be an illusion.

The happy-go-lucky me in school is not what I seem to be, dont be fooled by other peoples outer layer, they might just be mere illusions.

Another person once said, what you infer must be the truth.
Again, wrong idea.

The guy who comforted you when youre sad might not be your friend; he might just be gaining your trust for other needs in the future.

The me that you know might be what you thnk of, I cant be bothered if you say that Im not depressed, just to act emotional and create a blog which will attract readers. I dont care.

And, stop tagging at my board saying that I should be happier, or cheer up, life isnt that bad, or something like that, I really cant stand any of those.

I tried, I failed, I tried, I failed, I tried, I failed, I give up.

Im sick of all these.

Who will be that holder of light which will illuminate all the darkness in my life?

Im still waiting for that person to come.

Waiting, hoping, praying, begging for someone.

Please come soon, before I lose hope again.

To a certain someone, maybe you're right, I'm shy...

Let me describe to you something that I have just seen today.

In a certain place, I saw this erm certain person, let's call him X talking to a umm thin zombie, and umm 2 short furballs, this X was being suaned until siao by the trio. This X might think that this is a form of ritual to joining their so-called league but, I think he's a pathetic despo asshat, oops! Pity..Pity..

Hmm 2 days no update...busy mahx.. keke!

I just thought that the best friendship should be silent.

No retarded teasing of each other.
No moronic fooling around each other.
And definetely
No idiotic gaying around with each other.

A true friend is not the one that stays by your side when you're sad and comfort you, but the one that prevents the thing that causes you to be sad even from happening.
Credits given to 22062212 for telling me the above information ^_^

And to a certain person, I'm not in self-delusional mode.

WARNING! EXTREME LONG POST XD
Haiz...So many people say that I'm depressed, sadistic, bla bla!

HEY! I shall be nice, and liven up my blog and post a nice and happy post here =D

It has been a rocky year for me, haiz...lots of emotional roller coasters, lots of things happened, they just keep coming and coming, like those waves of monters in DoTA eh? I tried my best to handle them, but they just overwhelmed me, rendering me incapable of solving them so that it is most advantageous to everybody...

HEY! It's supposed to be a happy post!

OkOk...I shall say my thanks to these 3 ppl for me...

I'm using their nicks, I'm sure they know who they are =)

Firstly, to Mikhari, thanks for being there when I needed someone to talk you, for being such a good listener, thanks for living up my day by playing that retarded game...but I still love it, thx for u trying to help me analyse the things and those conversations in msn =)

Our conversations will improve IF you will start to learn to type faster, and STOP asking so many questions -.-

Secondly, to Iron Hydroxide, thanks for being the BEST listener I've possibly met in my whole life, will miss your HEYHEYHEY, *insert my surname here in caps*, and other bimbotic language. HA! I know u'll be angry at me for calling you a bimbo. Anyways, thanks for letting me pour my troubles at you, and those retarded conversations during LA lecture eh? XD

Our conversation will improve IF you umm...haha! just be yourself lol!

Lastly, to someone...Hmm? How should I call him, how about 22062212, so nobody knows who is him, I got so many things to say to him, but this isn't exactly a private place eh, haha...thanks for not giving up on me, even though I've 'killed' you so many times. I shall end it here, and dedicate a so-called poem to him.

The one who pulled me from the gates of hell
The one who rescued me from the abyss
The one who stopped me from going into oblivion
A devil with an angels heart
An evil manipulator without the evil
A person misunderstood by many
*insert your name here*
I hope you like it =) haha..some lines are familiar I know =/

Our relationship will improve if you can tell me more and erm...talk more to me in real life? haha!

Anyways, it has been a long post, I got one last thing to say to the three of them.
You guys are great, whom I have always respected and whose friendships I have always valued...HAHA koped from today's Sunday Times =)

Conclusion! Everyone be happy! See, such a happy post!!!

haiz...wat a day...u can say that again
wat a day... it all begun with me waking up due to a certain person, asking me to go to sum1 house and when i reached sum place, i was like some fool, standing in some place, and his attitude doesn't help AT ALL
fine~
we started to walk to the house~and the journey there was HORRIBLE, yep, i can say it again. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE!!!! they were treating me like some invisible apparition, but nvm. I endured! I wanted to break into their conve, but nvm. it just wasn't me
We reached the house, did some work, went to eat, came back, bla bla~
haix...the day got far more worse, while going back home wif a certain guy
he was like -.- nvm sum things are best kept quiet...haha...it was a fcked up decision to write the stupid tale of two geminis the part about the class outing was fcked up hey...y m i so vulgar...FCKED UP now hes mad at me for being an unenthu class guy, haiz...wat to do..
HEY, hes chatting to me now..hehe...lame me...LAMER
haiz shall end this stupid entry here...haha first time rant to an invisible being..so shuang!

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